Take my Hand

Hey everyone ๐Ÿ˜

So for my first proper blog I’m going to talk about love and dating.I know what you’re thinking…how original?!BUT its topics everyone can relate to and are always asking questions about.

I am in no way here to give advice because my love life is a hot mess right now as you’ll soon realise if you continue reading.However,if anyone wants to give advice I’ll gladly read it,take it on board and do the total opposite because I have no self-control ๐Ÿ˜‚

I am currently single for the first time since I was 12 years old.I started dating young I know so technically I should be a pro at this point.I know you’re all probably judging me and slut shaming but actually I have mostly been in long-term relationships my whole life!I have been single for just over a year(had a short on/off thing with a guy for a few months,nothing serious so I dont count it) after being in a 6 and a half year relationship.

Dating is so alien to me.I HAVE never been on a proper date until last year.I have just always jumped straight into a new relationship after another ended.I don’t know why for sure but it was probably a fear of being alone and a lack of self-confidence (something I still struggle with sometimes ๐Ÿ˜ฏ).

So after my relationship ended I decided to give Tinder,Plenty of Fish and Badoo a try…WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THESE DICK PICTURES LADS?I mean what makes a man think that instead of a simple “Hi,how are you?” that a picture of his gentials is going to get me to go out with him?!Also the amount of men who straight up ask for sex is disgusting.I asked my cousin who is lesbian if women send her pictures of their gentials and apparently us women are no better.Is this actually the new way of dating and I am just not with it?!If it is,you can count me out!The only explaination for it that i can think of is that men figure they might aswell show us women what we’re getting so we can reject them online instead of face to face and it won’t hurt their feelings as much.

My friend Gerry and his flatmate came to visit me in Galway just a few weeks after I became single๐Ÿ˜.We decided to go out for a night of drinking,gossiping and dancing.Little did I know what that night had in store ๐Ÿ˜ŠWe were sitting at the very back of the bar when we heard music starting up at the other end.Gerry loves all music and loves a good boogie haha.We found a table near enough to the stage and thats when I saw him…

Its so cringey and sounds so stupid but I instantly felt a connection with him.When he started singing I was mesmerized which shows how talented he is.I dont remember much of what happened next (way too much alcohol)but Gerry started shouting requests up to him I think and god knows what I was shouting but I remember saying to Gerry “wow,that is a beautiful man”.I have no clue how we got talking after he finished his gig.The poor guy was probably wrecked and wanted to go home but us drunken fools wouldnt leave him alone.The next memory I have is trying to persuade him to come to another bar with us which he agreed to(only to get away from us lol).We were standing outside a cafe and I noticed he has a tattoo of puzzle pieces (I am big into symbolism and I believe we are put on this earth with a piece of our souls/hearts “missing” and that the person we are meant to spend the rest of our lives with completes us).I don’t remember saying this but he has since told me I chatted him up by saying I was the missing piece(so glad I dont remember saying it to be honest).We added each other on facebook.Gerry,his flatmate and I headed off to another bar and I got a message on my facebook from him saying he wasn’t coming out and I thought nothing of it.

My next memory is being in the upstairs of a bar called the Roisin Dubh and a guy trying it on with me.I had such an extreme reaction to this…as in I dodged his advances and ran out of the bar to get a taxi home without saying a word to Gerry or his flatmate.I wake up the next morning and my first instinct is of course to check my social media to try retrace the events of last night when I see I have a facebook chat open from himself.When I woke up properly I remember him and my horrific attempts at flirting.I closed the chat thinking I would never hear from him again (and I didnt blame the poor lad).

Months go by without any contact.I wasn’t out much due to my Dad being in hospital.Suddenly a message comes up on my phone saying”You have a new like on Tinder”.I hadn’t been using it much,only deleting messages on it when I was bored in the hospital.I was back home in Donegal celebrating my 28th birthday(16th of Jan for those of you who may want to send belated gifts ๐Ÿ˜‹) with the family (just had a family dinner as I wanted to be alone with them to celebrate as Dad had recently been released from hospital).I wasn’t going to check it but something in the back of my mind kept telling me too.I opened the app and he had liked me.I couldnt swipe quick enough to like him back.I couldn’t have been more obvious it was something to do with a guy because my mam asked me “Who is he?”(Mother’s literally know everything!!!)

He got a message back from Tinder letting him know we matched and not long after he messaged me.We chatted briefly….only like a few messages…he didnt ask me out or anything(much to my disappointment)so I left it at that and thought he must have only liked me to be friendly ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜”A few weeks go by and a friend of mine asks do I want to meet up for drinks.I hadnt been out since Christmas so I thought I better say yes before I become a hermit!I was off that day but my friend was working until 11:30pm.As I was getting ready to go out a thought suddenly popped into my mind…why not message him and see if he is playing a gig around town.If nothing else it would be great to hear him sing and say a quick hello.I wasn’t actually expecting a reply but to my excitment he got back to me very quickly.

He told him he was playing that night and that it would be great to see me if I was around so I finished getting ready and headed off.Oh my god,as soon as I seen him all I could think was he was way hotter than I remembered ๐Ÿ˜I got a drink and my friend messaged to say he was running late,not that I minded in the slightest,I was happy watching/listening to him ๐Ÿ˜The only dampener was some guy continuously hitting on me ๐Ÿ˜’

After he finished his gig I walked up to him.I was so nervous (I was dressed so casually and looking dreadful on purpose because my friend despite me friendzoning him has made it clear he really likes me ๐Ÿ˜•)I hugged him and didnt want to let go haha.We talked for a bit but the only bit I remember is him asking me did I want to get together for a drink sometime ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I tried to act casual but the yes probably came out way too fast for my liking haha.I went back over to my friend and being sensitive of his feelings told him that I know this guy for a while and we were just catching up.

So when he heads home he starts messaging me on Tinder trying to organise to meet up for the drink the following Tuesday.I am so delighted with myself that a hottie like him has even noticed me…I dont doubt for a second that he has women throwing themselves at him at nearly every gig and I wouldnt blame him for taking advantage of that but I hope he doesnt.

I am so private and shy when it comes to my emotions with people especially if I know them.I dont trust easily (got my heartbroken by my first love and never been as open as I was).Any normal woman’s reaction to being asked out for a drink by their crush would be to message the squad and prep for the next week but not me.I don’t tell a soul!Instead I turn up to his gig after I finish work looking a mess ๐Ÿ˜‚Pretty sure my manager knew something was up though because I wore make up to work for the first time ever and I was rushing around trying to get out early.My manager even asked me “Where are you off to tonight?” and I replied that I was in a hurry to get out to a friend’s gig.My manager being nosey asks who is playing and when I explain about him (without telling him I have the hugest crush on this guy)he replies”Is that the Ed Sheeran wannabe that plays in the Skeff every Tuesday and is he your new boyfriend?”I went bright red and my manager couldn’t stop laughing but at least he let me finish work early haha!

When I get into the Skeff,he is mid song so I order a drink and sit fangirling.It was actually kind of romantic because I was unusually the only person there thanks to the storm.It was the perfect Tuesday ๐Ÿ˜While watching him on stage I notice he has got his hair cut,put contacts in and is a bit dressed up.To be honest since he asked to meet up for drinks I still wasnt sure he liked me as anything more than a friend or that this was a date despite the numerous snapchats telling me he was excited to see me.I feel hopeful though considering he made a bit of an effort with his appearance.He played “Take my Hand” by Picture This (check them out if you havent heard them ๐Ÿ‘Œ)and every word he sings I am just starting to like him more and more.He finishes up and comes over to me.I have knots in my stomach as he sits down.I can feel my cheeks going red everytime he looks at me.I am drinking trying to calm myself down to fuck haha.At one point he touches my leg and I just want to kiss him but I don’t have the confidence to go for it.He goes out for a smoke and three Italian guys take their chance to try their luck but I only am interested in one person.When he comes back in we talk,have a few laughs and drink until kicking out time.

He lives near by so walks me to the taxi rank.I hugged him goodbye and FINALLY we kiss ๐Ÿ˜He cheekily asks if I want to stay in his place but I decline as I had work early the next day.As soon as I get home he snaps me asking can he come over and I say yes because I can’t wait to see him again.I send him my address so he can get a taxi over.In the meantime I start drinking with my flatmate and her mother.When he arrives Fiona pours him a drink and introductions are made.We drink,sing,swap stories etc until 5:30am.We go to my bedroom to go to bed and I know exactly where this is headed and I’m not sure I should be doing it.Its kind of awkward as I make no effort to be sexy (fucking drunk me!)by putting on pjs.We start making out and its been worth over a year wait ๐Ÿ˜I dont want to stop kissing him.We then take it further (sorry no details ๐Ÿ˜œ)but it was alright(first time and I was drunk being the reason for the only alright).I just wish I wasnt drunk and made it more sexier for him (like he asked me to go on top&I reply with the mortifying words”I’m too lazy”…like who says that?Really I was just insecure about him seeing me naked).When we finish I lay in his arms talking for a bit.He says he forgot how hot I was until he seen me last week,that we should go for another drink and we fall asleep.The next morning I am up early for work so I am not sure how I go about asking him to leave without it sounding like I just used him for sex so I tell him to sleep on and let himself out)

While at work he is snapping me so I am replying with subtle (trying to be casual but failing ๐Ÿ˜‚) hints that we should go out again sometime and he agrees but never specifically asks me.He stops snapping me for two days.I in the meantime go out and get totally wasted and decide to snapchat him (we’ve all been there).I think I was trying to go to his place (shameful for my soul and dignity).He quite rightly doesnt reply until the next day explaining he was out on the sesh for two days and I apologise for my drunken antics.He seems very understanding but thats the last I hear from him.So now I am confused as to what next?!Is that all?!Should I just be a grown up and ask him out…whats the worse that can happen?Or leave it?Maybe he got the one night stand he wanted all along?Maybe he does this alot?He seems too nice for that though!He is the first guy I have liked in a while so I bite the bullet and ask my bestie for advice.He tells me to man up and just ask him out but I argue that if he wanted to see me again he would have asked me already so I cant put myself out there.My bestie then decides to play detective and stalks this guys social media.He comes to the conclusion that this guy is one of the rare good ones but then he stumbles upon an interview from 2017 that he done for his music.I dont usually get jealous but in this interview he speaks about how his puzzle piece tattoo has a piece missing which will be filled in on his wedding day and goes with his song he wrote called “Missing Piece” about a woman he met in Thailand.My heart sank a little…he is in love with someone else.My bestie points out that this guy was in Thailand two years ago so maybe he is no longer in love with this woman but I counter with during the interview he explains the meaning of that one song and essentially declares his love for this woman and how she is going to be his wife one day because she is the missing puzzle piece.My bestie laughs at me and says”you women overthink to a psychotic level” and also “He adds at the end of the interview that he is on Tinder and winks at the end…not the actions of a man in love in my opinion..”

What’s worse I am meeting a friend for drinks on Tuesday at the Skeff and I know he’ll be playing there.I am dreading it and I am planning on avoiding him at all costs.I just hope I dont have to pee before mid-night when his set is over because the toilets are right beside the stage so I’ll have to pass him.At the same time I plan on looking so fucking sexy so I kind of want to show him what he is missing but my friend advised me to not approach him.My bestie reckons what will normally gets his attention is if a woman snaps that she is in the same bar so he knows she is there but she plays it cool so I might try that and see if I get any response!If not I think I’ll have to find a new favourite pub to drink in ๐Ÿ˜•

If you got to the end of emotional outpouring…well done…you deserve a medal ๐Ÿ˜‚I hope this story of my epic failure of a love life made those trying to get over a crush feel less alone.Onwards and upwards people ๐Ÿ˜

Positive vibes always,

Shauna x

 

 

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The Pieces of Me

I'm a 28 year woman living in the greatest city in Ireland aka Galway.This blog is my personal diary of the struggles I face dating,the crazy drama I can never avoid,the complicated relationships with my family/friends and battles with mental health.I hope if anyone reads this they will find it helpful and funny because you won't believe the shit that happens to me but I promise its all true!Enjoy...๐Ÿ˜

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