Hey guys and gals 😁
I have returned from my night out rather sober but full of a range of emotions so what better way to work through them than to blog right?
I spent hours getting ready and I am in no way big headed but I have to say I looked hot 😉I was feeling myself for sure haha.I got a taxi to the Skeff and turns out he was playing tonight.He looked so hot too 😍As soon as I saw him I had the biggest grin&was literally blushing.I sat watching him perform and as much as I was enjoying the gig another emotion hit me…jealousy😠!There was a group of girls dancing and interacting with him which is great that people were enjoying his set but I could see that they were also interested in more than just his music 😠😔Its been a while since I have felt jealous!I always thought I was above that because I felt that whatever is meant to be will be.I think what made my stomach turn and my heart hurt was when he mentioned he was on Tinder…I was wondering if he would mention it tonight…clearly he isnt catching the same feelings I am💔.The group of girls cheered that he was on Tinder and I felt like getting all territorial which is so not like me.I wanted to walk on that stage and kiss him in front of everyone and be like “Back off”.I genuinely don’t like feeling this way and feel at a loss as to how to get over it as soon as possible.
While waiting for Shane to arrive I had a few drinks with two lads who were visiting Galway from Clare.They were a bit strange to be honest but I get hit on alot so I am used to it.I must just have a friendly demeanour which isnt a bad thing ☺They had some interesting advice for me but nothing I’ll be putting into action as it involves spending the next few months drunk and stoned!
After he finished his set I went to the bathrooms hoping he wouldnt notice me walking by.At this point I just wanted to go home and feel sorry for myself but then I thought why the fuck am I acting like this🤔.Nobody is worth the self-doubt so I walked to the bathrooms and the dancing girls were in there😑.They were talking about him and trying to find him on Tinder 😮I had to get out of there because again the jealousy was to much!I honestly felt like telling them join the queue girls because his heart belongs to a woman in Thailand who I am pretty sure he sang about in a song tonight 😣
In the meantime Shane had arrived and the musician went outside for a smoke so I decided just to be brave and go speak to him😮.I went outside,hugged him and we chatted awkwardly for a bit.I did mention his new little fangirls,I dont know if he detected my annoyance?!It was quite cold so I decided to go back inside the bar.I hugged him goodbye and he said he’d text me but I highly doubt it 😔😕I was half-expecting him to ask me to go for a drink sometime but nothing so I for sure was not going to put my heart on the line to be rejected 😭
When I went back inside to Shane I couldn’t stop looking around the bar for the musician to see if he was flirting with women😥.I get that he is naturally flirty because so am I and its part of the job to be charming.I was trying to seem interested in what Shane was saying but it was all white noise as the thoughts of the musician would not stop filling my mind.I seen him walk out of the bar with his gear and a woman who I think is just a friend as I have seen her a few times with him.As he left without even glancing my way I felt disheartened to say the least.I decided to just put him to the back of my mind,get drunk and enjoy the night out ☺I finished my cocktails and we headed onto another bar called “The Front Door”.Of course the obligatory bathroom selfie was taken.As I was trying to pose up a storm in the full length mirror of the Front Door bathrooms all I could hear was various women vomiting 🤢I got out of there before the smell hit me haha.When I sat down again I checked my snapchat to see who was out and seen a certain musician was still awake and viewing my snaps.All I could think was “Fuck you,clearly you used me and it fucking sucks”
After the Skeff and all these feelings I needed something stronger than cocktails so it was time for vodka and diet coke.I was very tempted to take a shot to just bring my mood up but decided against it 😂Its not worth the fear the next day for any man!At The Front Door we chatted,danced and I was reunited with Evan who I met at the house party of a mutual friend.Evan is always happy and loving life…watching him dance like a lunatic cheered me up ☺I decided to call it a night as soon as the Front Door closed.I know Shane was hoping to come home with me but its never going to happen.I am just not that type of woman.If I have feelings for someone then I dont see the point in having sex with someone else?!I know they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else but thats complete bullshit.If it were that easy there would be no such thing as heartbreak or lessons in love.The problem was Shane wasn’t taking no for an answer at first😐.He was quite pushy and when I gave some bullshit reason for him not coming back to mine he kept saying that wasnt good enough.He got a bit to hands on for my liking and kind of scared me a bit😓.He kept grabbing my hand,pulling me back to him by the arm and trying to kiss me.At one point he cornered me into a shop shutter and was being quite insistent I listen to him but I kept pushing forward just wanting to get a taxi home.I just kept repeating no until I got to the taxi rank and he finally gave up.In that moment I actually just wanted to snapchat the musician to come get me as he lives near by but thought I better not as he made it clear he was going to bed after the gig.
I got home and realised I had locked myself out so I had to message my flatmate to let me in.Luckily the flatmate was still awake as he was gaming on the PS4.I planned on going to bed but I heard him go into the living room so I went in to chat him.I explained about the musician to him and he tried his best to comfort me😌.The flatmate said that since he has known me he has never seen me this hung up on a guy and that its usually guys obsessing over me which I much prefer!!!I told him that I am not the type of person to talk about feelings and emotions but I feel so lost with this crush and I dont know what to do to fix myself or snap out of it😩.The flatmate told me I need to put my heart on the line for once and maybe it might work out but I know I wont be able to.I never have since my first love broke my heart.The flatmate also said he read somewhere that love is like a cup…right now my cup is half-full of love for myself but I need to fill it before I get a boyfriend and then the boyfriend will be there to take on the overflow of love which I think is kinda beautiful ❤We talked a bit about various aspects of our lives and I felt better for the first time tonight.He made me see that at the end of the day these feelings will be insignificant one day.Just hoping that day will be sooner rather than later.
On a brighter note I got a few more views on the blog…hello Argentina readers…hope you enjoy my ramblings 😂I cant thank people enough for taking the time out to read my blog.I appreciate all the support 😁I hope it makes you feel less alone and brings comfort somehow 😄
Positive vibes always,