The Situationship

Hey gals and guys ๐Ÿ˜,

I promised a blog explaining my situationship with Keith a while back but due to work,packing up and exhaustion I never found the time.This is probably going to be a long blog.

I split up with my ex-boyfriend William after 6 and half years together in January 2017(thats a blog for another day!).I joined a dating site called Plenty of Fish by the insistence of my friend Lisa.Of course it was full of creeps ๐Ÿ˜’This one guy messaged me called Keith.I looked at his profile and I wasn’t immediately attracted to him so I deleted his message.He messaged the next day so I replied just to be friendly.I checked the nearby option and saw he lived close.After a few messages I stopped replying as I thought there wasย  no point talking if I wasn’t interested.He kept messaging for a week but I continuously ignored him until he messaged telling me where I lived๐Ÿ˜ฑ.

This creeped me out but instantly got my attention.I asked Keith how he knew where I lived and he said from one of my photos as all the apartments in this complex are decorated the same and he lives in the same complex.We soon discovered that he lives in the apartment directly below mine(Fate!).I really shouldn’t have messaged him after he told me all this but curiosity got the better of me ๐Ÿ™„We were neighbours for a year at this point.We had never seen eachother and our only awareness of each other’s existence was that I heard parties in his apartment and he got annoyed about how I put my extremely loud washing machine on at all hours.We swapped numbers and started messaging via Whatsapp.We were messaging all day everyday ๐Ÿ˜We were obsessed.I told him all about my split with William,my Dad’s accident and how I was barely coping.He would make me smile with his sweet messages about wanting to make me enjoy life again and was a constant support when my anxiety kicked in but William (who was still living in our apartment)was a constant shadow.He was controlling and I feared his reaction when he found out I was trying to date so soon after our split๐Ÿค.

After messaging for a while Keith and I decided to meet face to face(19th of Feb 2017 just so you know the timeline haha).I was cleaning the apartment so told him I was going to put the bins out if he wanted to meet outside the apartment block (not the most romantic first meeting๐Ÿ˜‚).He agreed.I went to the bin shed and put the bins out.While I was leaving I spotted this guy walking towards me with a bin bag in hand and I knew it was him.I was so nervous.Weirdly the first thing I noticed was how the bin bag was half full only.We exchanged pleasantries and chit chatted awkwardly.I was in a patterned t-shirt and cold so I didn’t stay chatting for long.As I got in the elevator I just thought to myself how disappointed I wasn’t attracted to him at all.I still don’t know what he truely thought of me the first time.I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and thought he was a nice guy so I sent him the usual cop out message of I wasn’t looking for anything serious(oh how those words have come back to bite me in the ass ๐Ÿ˜ฃ).We continued to message until he asked me could we meet properly sometime and I said yes.

I hate first dates and I am no good at being romantic so I asked him could we keep it simple.He said I could choose what to do so I suggested we go for a drive to Salthill,walk along the promenade and just chat.It had to be an evening when William was working late so he wouldn’t catch us together.I had told him the previous evening that I was wanting to date again and he lost his temper which scared me.On a Wednesday evening Keith and I met at the front of the apartment block.He showed me to his car(which I had been teasing him was a woman’s car)and we drove to Salthill.It was a beautiful evening๐ŸŒž.I made a conscious decision to dress in casual clothes and wore no make up.I wanted Keith to see the real me before the make-up so he could see what he was getting up front I suppose.I honestly can’t remember much of what we talked about but that evening changed everything.As we walked along talking he smiled at me and for the first time I felt a spark between us.I was insanely attracted to him from then on.He didn’t put pressure on me to do anything,he let me be me,he put me at ease and for the first time in years I felt a calmness in my mind and soul.Most importantly though I hadn’t felt joy or smiled since my Dad’s accident(August 2016).Mostly what I remember from that evening though is wanting to kiss Keith ๐Ÿ˜‰He says he felt the same way ๐Ÿ˜

From that meeting in Salthill,Keith and I were addicted to each other.We messaged non-stop or we’d tell each other when the other was leaving the apartment so we could catch glimpses of each other(silly but cute๐Ÿ˜‰)He helped build up my confidence and self-esteem again by telling me he would wait aslong as it took until I got free from my ex.I on the other hand couldn’t wait.I was frustrated that just because I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with William that I had to put my life on hold until he got over me and moved out (he lived with me for 7 months after we split ๐Ÿ˜ฏ).I couldn’t afford to move out and I didn’t want to move away from Keith.

Our next ‘date’ was again very simple.He was coming home to his apartment for his lunch break so I invited him up to my apartment for a coffee and a chat.I boiled the kettle and while we waited we had our first physical interaction(we was very innocent).We just stood cuddling and talking.I wanted him to kiss me but he made it clear he wasn’t going to make the first move.Keith wanted me to kiss him first so that he knew I was ready.I got the courage and kissed him.It didn’t disappoint.It felt right.It was amazing and sweet.When the kettle boiled we stopped kissing.He said he wasn’t expecting it and to be honest either was I ๐Ÿ˜‚He drank his coffee and we chatted about the kiss.Then after his coffee we couldn’t stop kissing but he had to go back to work.I walked him to the door and we stood in the hallway kissing more.I honestly didn’t want to let him go.

There was more messaging about how much we liked each other and we decided we wanted to start seeing each other more often but I explained it had to be a secret because of my situation with William.I started sneaking out to see Keith.He would text me when he was coming in the apartment block entrance and I would sneak down to see him.Most nights before going to sleep we would sneak out and meet in the hallway to give each other a goodnight kiss.One time William nearly caught us.Keith and I were on the hallway of his apartment block area.As we were kissing I could hear William come through the apartment block entrance so we had to hide in someone’s doorway but we continued on with the kissing ๐Ÿ˜‰Our messages got more graphic too.We wanted to take it to the next step ๐Ÿ˜‰

We spent ages planning it.William was going to be away in England visiting family for a week(April 2017)so we planned to have our first sleepover then.However plans changed unexpectedly ๐Ÿ˜‚On one of his lunch breaks(March 2017)he came to mine.We sat on my sofa kissing and one thing lead to another and we had sex ๐Ÿ˜‰I never felt anything like it.So passionate yet innocent.He made me feel things I had never felt having sex with anyone before.Stupidly we didn’t use protection.We weren’t planning to have sex but we stopped before he came.It was the best first time with anyone I ever had.We just got each other.There was no explaining or asking each other to do anything.We just connected like two puzzle pieces that were mean’t to fit together.

We spent the next few weeks planning our first sleepover when William went away to England.When it finally arrived I was so excited.We could be a couple openly without having to worry about being caught by my crazy jealous ex.I put on some sexy underwear,turned the lights down and got the movie ready.Keith text to say he’d be here soon that he was just getting some alcohol for us.When he got here we cuddled up on the sofa and talked.We got drunk and I remember continuously telling him I know he is too good to be true and that he will end up breaking my heart (oh how right drunken me was!)As we were kissing on my sofa I remember him slidding his hands down my jeans and he felt my ass.He jokingly asked where the rest of my underwear was (I was wearing a thong)and it wasn’t long before we took it into my bedroom.Again the sex didn’t disappoint ๐Ÿ˜‰It was very sweet and in the morning he woke me up with a kiss.He kept telling me how great it was to fall asleep beside me and how cute I look when I wake up ๐Ÿ˜The next day he left to go see his parents but of course we were texting constantly.

By now I couldn’t contain my feelings any longer.I came up with a lie so Keith and I could spend time together without William getting suspicious.I had started working out recently to help with my mental health so I would tell William I was going to the gym and then staying over in my friend Elaine’s place or another lie would be that I was going out with the girls for the night.I was down in Keith’s apartment of course where we could be together like a normal couple.I felt bad lying to William and I wish I had just been upfront now.He is a good guy who was heartbroken but his behaviour was so erratic it scared me what he would do to Keith if he found out about us.It was during one of my evenings down in Keith’s apartment he called me his girlfriend for the first time.

It was April 2017 and we were just watching tv.We were kissing when he moved his hand up my top and started feeling my boobs.I don’t what happened but when we stopped kissing the conversation got onto kiss cams in sports.He started laughing about imagining us going to a game and him feeling me up on the kiss cam๐Ÿ˜‰.He was saying he’d be arrested but women can get away with it and he said “I’d have to apologise to the judge and be like sorry for feeling up my girlfriend’s boobs on tv”.I went quiet for a second in shock but then smiled and said “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend” but we never had the “we are official” talk so I didnt assume otherwise.

From then on I considered us to be on the relationship route.I wasn’t going to classify it until he asked me properly.Yet weeks went by since he called me his girlfriend and we were both still using our Plenty of Fish accounts.We both claimed it was to spy on each other so the trust issues kicked in very quick.We never gave each other any reason to doubt each other but this should have been the time when I realised the warning signs.William was away in Donegal for 2 nights so Keith and I decided to have our first night out together.We went to the Skeff where we drank and listened to music(the musician was playing that night but I paid no attention to him).It was so nice to be able to be publicly affectionate ๐Ÿ’From then on we decided that even when William was home we would find ways to go out as a couple in public more.One time we decided to go out to Salthill for the night.We went to a restaurant that my Dad used to take me too when he came to visit so it held a special place in my heart so the fact he remembered that mean’t alot to me๐Ÿ˜„โค.As went sat at our candlelit table I looked around to see one of William’s co-workers/friend having a meal a few tables behind us.I panicked but Keith pointed out my back was to them so it would be fine.They never saw us thankfully.

On May 19th 2017,three months since we met Keith asked me to go on a day trip with him.He wanted to take me to Roundstone beach in Connemara.Its a trip I will NEVER forget because it was on that trip that I realised I had fallen head over heels in love with him.It was a sunny evening and we headed off when I finished work.Its over an hour away so we had alot of time to talk.We spoke about our phobias,trips we’d like to do together etc.The nearer we were getting to Roundstone beach the darker the clouds we were getting and I was convinced it was going to lash rain.The drive to Roundstone is stunning and the scenery is breath taking.When we arrived it was cold so Keith gave me a jumper to borrow(I slept wearing that jumper for weeks as it smelled like him and stopped me missing him when we were apart).We had to walk through field’s and climb over gates to get to the beach.Poor Keith cut his hand on some barbed wire on the gate ๐Ÿ˜”

Roundstone beach is the most beautiful beach I have ever seen๐Ÿ–.It was so romantic because it was just the two of us walking along.We had the beach to ourselves.Yet we were to shy to hold hands ๐Ÿ˜‚We walked along talking and I so badly wanted him to kiss me to be romantic as the scenery but again we both we were to shy for some reason.To this day he regrets not kissing me he tells me ๐Ÿ˜‚While on the walk back up the beach to the car I spotted a perfectly intact seashell so I picked it up to have a souvenir of our day out.After all that walking we were starving so decided to go out to dinner when we got back to Galway.On the way home we barely talked.It was just a comfortable silence.No words needed.I didn’t want to go back.I was at peace with just him and I walking along that beach.At one point I looked over at him as he drove and I couldn’t help but smile.He caught me and smiled back ๐Ÿ˜„In that moment I realised I was in love with Keith and knew deep down that I was screwed.He asked me what I was thinking and my guard went up.I couldn’t be brave,put my heart on the line and tell him what I was really thinking so made up a lie that I was thinking about exams I was studying for at the time.When we got back to Galway he asked me to pick where to eat so I suggested the takeaway beside our apartment block.While waiting on our food we were goofing about.Keith asked me to kiss his cut hand better but I refused.I don’t know why but as soon as I realised I was in love with Keith my survival skills set in so I pulled away from him emotionally.

Thats when it started.We went from being on the route to a committed relationship to a train wreck very quickly ๐Ÿ˜ขAt first I was in denial.His parents were away on holiday(June 2017) and had asked Keith to go check the house every few days.He lives 45 mins outside of Galway.He asked me if I wanted to come with him one evening and of course I did.I was curious to see his family home and to see if his parents had any childhood photos of him on the walls(unfortunately not).He showed me around his parents home which is awesome(if we get married,I want his mam to design our home lol).We then got it on ๐Ÿ˜‰It was so hot even though I got no action as it was my time of the month.After that evening Keith became distant.We stopped texting,he started going out with the guys more and our dates became very few and far in between.

I knew something was going on and my gut instinct told me it was another woman.We had started to bicker more and more about where the relationship was going and the trust issues via text.I called things off between us(July 2017) and I was devastated to say the least.I didnt eat or sleep and drank myself into oblivion.Anything to forget he existed.Of course with William still living here he instantly knew something was wrong so I told him everything.We got into a physical fight as I tried to stop him from going down to Keith’s apartment.He eventually calmed down but not without telling my family every detail.I had told them ages ago I had been seeing Keith so they acted shocked to William.Then to humiliate me he told everyone we knew.Most people didn’t care to be fair.

A month after I stopped seeing Keith he was out with the lads.He came home drunk and rang me asking to see me.I refused as William and I were having drinks in the apartment.Not long after Keith’s phonecall I went to bed as I was wanted to be alone.I could hear Keith and his brother having a really bad arguement.It frightened me as I thought it might get physical.I could hear doors slamming and things being thrown.I immediately messaged Keith to see if he was alright and he rang me back pleading with me to come down to him but William blocked the door as I went to leave.I explained this to Keith and in his drunken state this enraged him especially after he saw the bruises from the previous physical fight William and I had.He came pounding on the door so I begged William to just let me leave to calm Keith down so the neighbours wouldn’t ring the cops.When I got into the hallway Keith hugged me and took me by the hand.He said”Come on,your coming downstairs with me,I just want to cuddle you”.I told him as much as I wanted to I couldn’t because of William.Keith raised his voice so William could hear him saying”You are a single woman and can do what you want”and again took me by the hand.I asked Keith to please let me go and next thing William came bolting out of our apartment yelling at Keith to let me go.They started arguing and it got to the point where I thought it was going to get physical so I put myself in between them to try stop it.I told William I was fine and to go back inside.I agreed to go downstairs with Keith to talk.Another neighbour came to the scene and calmed the two guys down and William went back inside our apartment.

A few minutes later as I am standing talking to Keith in the apartment block hallway the cops show up and I instantly knew it was for us so we went downstairs and let them in.I explained the whole situation to the cops much like I am in this blog.They informed us that William had rang them as he was frightened for his life of Keith.The cops told us to stay in the hallway while they went to talk to William.Keith and I sat on the stairs cuddling and I apologised to him for everything and told him I just wanted to be able to be with him out in the open and I thanked him for putting up with my living situation.What I didnt know at the time was that William had the front door to our apartment open while talking to the cops so heard everything.The cops came back down to us and told me I had to stay the night in Keith’s for my own safety which I did.We got into Keith’s bed and just cuddled.At 5am William rang me shouting down the phone so I went back up to my own apartment to stop him coming down and causing trouble at Keith’s.The next day Keith took this as a sign that I was choosing William’s friendship over any chance of there being a relationship and called things off.

Over the next few months I had to watch Keith parade woman after woman home.I could hear him having sex with them.It destroyed me๐Ÿ’”.Its the worst I felt since my Dad’s accident.Its like I mean nothing to him.After William moved out Keith and I started having sex but he would barely talk to me before or after.He always wanted rid of me as soon as we were finished having sex and the only time he’d call or text was when he wanted sex ๐Ÿ˜ I felt so used but I still love him so I dealt with it as best as I could.I started going out more and of course met the musician and I have already explained that story in a previous blog.Then in January 2018 I met Craig.

Craig and I hit it off despite him being 4 years younger than me.We began seeing each other and contact with Keith stopped.Craig and I had so much in common and he made me laugh๐Ÿคฃ.He is so goofy and sweet.He is just one of the most nicest guys I have ever met and also very hot๐Ÿ˜˜.It was never going to be serious between us as I explained about Keith from the beginning.I liked Craig and the sex was top notch.It eventually fizzled out between me and Craig(Start of this month March 2018).We are still friendly which is good and he will make some woman very happy one day.

Then a few weeks ago out of the blue Keith turns up drunk at my door which he hadn’t done in 6 months!I won’t go through it all again as this blog is long enough already but if you want you can read my blogs from the title ‘3:30am’ onwards to see what point Keith and I are at now ๐Ÿ˜ŠSo thats the situationship from start until now.I hope that clarifies things for those of you who were commenting and asking.

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Positive vibes always,

Shauna ๐Ÿ˜—

 

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The Pieces of Me

I'm a 28 year woman living in the greatest city in Ireland aka Galway.This blog is my personal diary of the struggles I face dating,the crazy drama I can never avoid,the complicated relationships with my family/friends and battles with mental health.I hope if anyone reads this they will find it helpful and funny because you won't believe the shit that happens to me but I promise its all true!Enjoy...๐Ÿ˜

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