Same Old Brand New You

Hey gals and guys ๐Ÿ˜,

Its only Monday and I am exhausted ๐Ÿ˜ฅYet another week of crazy hours at work.I was so exhausted I had to ring in sick yesterday.I just hadnt the energy to get up out of bed ๐Ÿ˜ด

My flatmates informed me they are moving out at the end of this month so next month I will be paying double the rent and double the bills ๐Ÿ˜ฏSo all these crazy hours at work are actually appreciated now.It’ll be nice having the apartment to myself for a month before I move out.I am going to e-mail the company and give my notice at the end of April.I am hoping that because I am only staying one week in June I won’t have to pay a full month’s rent for that month.I might even be cheeky and see if I can sublet the room for a month so I wont have to pay double the rent/bills.I’ll have a think about it.

I had a very awkward weekend.I was off Saturday and was looking forward to chilling out on the sofa and watching tv all day.It was such a lovely evening I decided to have a cup of tea on my balcony when I heard our apartment block entrance door open.It was Keith๐Ÿ˜.I thought he was putting out the trash as he walked towards the disposal but he kept walking.A few things were strange about this:

1:He never walks anywhere far (by far I mean past the waste disposal shed ๐Ÿ˜‚)

2:He wasnt wearing a jumper or jacket.It was a nice evening but not warm enough to go out without warm clothes.

3:He was carrying a box of what looked to be wine (he doesn’t drink wine and turns out it was cider).

Of course going from our troubled past I immediately jumped to conclusions.๐Ÿ˜’My conclusion was confirmed in my mind when I cyber stalked him using the location on snap maps which stated he was 500m away which mean’t he was in still in our estate or the next one over๐Ÿ˜“.As far as my psycho mind was concerned he was away off shagging some woman living near us๐ŸคI burst into tears ๐Ÿ˜ญI couldn’t handle it if that was happening!I know we aren’t officially together but after how great it has been recently I thought it was just going to be him and I until I left for Australia.I was so angry about what I thought was going on with another woman I was going to text him going off on him but I thought better of it (for once).

Instead I messaged my friend Dylan to see if he was heading out and wanted to meet up.I know Dylan is in love with me so going out to meet him when I was upset was probably not the best idea.When I arrived he was out with a few of our old workmates from Tesco.It was good to catch up with them.We went to Seven bar but it was dead.Dylan suggested he and I head off by ourselves to The Front Door pub.I agreed while secretly hoping Keith was there too and would see me with Dylan.I wanted to make him jealous ๐Ÿ˜คHow bad of a friend am I?!I am actually disgusted!After a few drinks and a good look around the pub I knew Keith wasn’t around.Dylan and I were chatting when he leaned in to kiss me.I moved my head so he got me on the side of my head (awkward).I panicked and excused myself to go to the bathroom.I knew the situation was getting out of hand and my instinct was just to run so thats exactly what I did (for a second time from Dylan).I made sure Dylan wasn’t looking my way and I made my way out of the bar to the nearest taxi.I messaged him apologising and explained the whole situation.He never replied and to be honest I think that is the end of our friendship.Quite rightly too.He has every right to hate me!

When I got home I kept looking out the window checking for cars pulling up or see if Keith had walked back home with another woman.Emotionally exhausted I went to bed at 2am.I couldn’t sleep as I kept checking when Keith last looked at his Viber and Whatsapp๐Ÿ“ฑ (he hadn’t checked either since he went out at 8pm which used to be a sign of when he was with another woman in the old days ๐Ÿ˜ ).There was no way I was sleeping now.I was staying up to get a look at the competition.He finally checked his whatsapp at 2:15am so I thought he is either on his way back here or to this slag’s house(most of the women he was with back in the day probably were lovely and I had no right to be mad at them but yet my pyscho ass blames the other woman everytime!)As an hour went by I assumed he went back to her’s if he was even out and I had decided that if he didnt appear by 4:30am I was going to sleep and never talking to him again (how many times I have said that and never stuck to it ๐Ÿ˜‘).Finally at 3:20am a car pulls up.I hear his voice as he get outs and he is also hiccupping after every second word so I know he is drunk ๐ŸบI spy out the window and to my relief its not a woman he is with but one of his mates ๐Ÿ˜

I hear them laughing and chatting loudly for a while.I feel so stupid for thinking the worst all evening but then I think to myself I shouldn’t because he has treated me so badly in the past.For us to ever have a future when I come back from Australia (if there is any chance)I have got to learn to let go of the past but what if too much damage has been done?I always believed (probably naively)in the whole love can overcome any obstacle fairytale and still like to think I do but maybe I am growing up finally!Either way all I know is that I love Keith but maybe love isn’t enough anymore.

The musician has been snapping me alot flirting ๐Ÿ˜‰I have been flirting back but I know I don’t want to take it further than flirting.He is such an amazing man and I am beyond obsessed with him (in a healthy way๐Ÿ˜‚)but its best left in the past when it comes to the romance side of things ๐Ÿ˜œI was in town buying lunch before work and of course who do I see coming towards me when I look like shit only him ๐Ÿ˜ฃHe didn’t see me so I had time to hide out in the store until he walked by ๐Ÿ˜…Then as I left the store I had to look back at him and a thought struck me.The way he was walking,the outfit he was wearing and his high pitched laugh…if I didn’t know him as well as I do I would think he was out and proud (aka gay).I never saw it before but people used to always question him about his sexuality and a few people (one’s who knee about my crush on him)would ask me if I was sure he is straight.I still have a major crush on the musician but today I finally could see why people assume he is gay ๐Ÿ˜‚I will tell him this next time I see him ๐Ÿ˜‚.

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Positive vibes always,

Shauna ๐Ÿ˜—

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The Pieces of Me

I'm a 28 year woman living in the greatest city in Ireland aka Galway.This blog is my personal diary of the struggles I face dating,the crazy drama I can never avoid,the complicated relationships with my family/friends and battles with mental health.I hope if anyone reads this they will find it helpful and funny because you won't believe the shit that happens to me but I promise its all true!Enjoy...๐Ÿ˜

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