Hey gals and guys 😁,
I finished work early this evening so I thought I would update you all now instead of Wednesday 😊I have had enough with Lidl 😠They have brought in all these new rules which are supposed to make the store run more efficiently but I swear they were designed to also piss off customers who in turn give out to the staff 😠My leaving date was supposed to be the 30th of May but I couldn’t bear another few weeks of that shit so I told them I am leaving on the 12th of May instead 😁It means I can relax and spend time with the people I love before going to Australia 😄
I was at home in Donegal for a week for my sister Grace’s confirmation📿.I can’t believe it!!!It feels like only yesterday she was being christened 💒Grace looked so beautiful and grown up.It was a good excuse to get most of the family together.I have so many extended family (uncles,aunts,cousins etc)that its rare we can all get together.I got to see Gerard (my “uncle” aka my Dad’s bestfriend/one of Grace’s godfather’s)which was great because I wouldn’t get a chance to see him before I leave for Australia.I got to catch up with my ‘Smuggler’s Creek’ family (restaurant and staff I used to work with in Rossnowlagh).We had Grace’s confirmation meal there and had the sesh after🍝🍺.It was also my cousin Terri’s 28th birthday that day so we got her a cake and sang “Happy Birthday” to her🎂.
After Grace’s confirmation meal we went back to our house where we had a sesh with my mam,my Dad,our family friend John and myself.I love John to bits,one of the funniet people I have ever met 😂Myself and Dad went to bed after midnight as we were exhausted but Mam and John stayed up until the wee hours 🍺I basically just spent the week at home relaxing.The weather was fantastic too so I was outside sunning myself 😎
I left Donegal early Tuesday as I was due to meet Aoife and Lauren for dinner and to go to the cinema to see ‘The Avenger’s:Infinity War’🍝🍿🎬.I won’t spoil it for anyone but hands down the best movie I have seen in a long time!I love hanging out with Aoife and Lauren so much😄.They are without doubt two of the best people I know 👍I got a lift home with Lauren too so saved money on the bus fare 😊
When I got back to my apartment I unpacked,checked to see if Keith’s car was parked outside and then decided to watch some ‘Gotham’on Netflix.At about 10:25pm I got a message from Keith asking where I was?I replied back that I was in my room and watching tv.He must have been watching out for me to see when I was back from Donegal👀.I always leave my blinds open during the day so they were open the whole time I was in Donegal but that evening I came back from the cinema I closed them.He never once text me when I was in Donegal but the evening I came home he messages me therefore he obviously checks my bedroom window still 😂He messaged asking could he join me so I of course said yes💏.
When Keith came to my apartment he climbed into bed beside me 🛏.I asked him how he was and what he had been up to when I was away.He said he was just back home at his parents for the week as he had holidays from work🏡.He asked how I was doing and I told him I was good.I was a little annoyed that he took no interest in what I got up too in the week I was away though 😒Keith asked what I was watching so I explained the basics of the show ‘Gotham’ with him.He was texting on his phone so I took a look at his screen to see who he was texting and it was his mam(total mama’s boy😂).Then he started asking me questions about my apartment.Things like “When are you moving out?”,”How much rent are you paying?”,”How big is the spare room?”(only room he has never been in as there was always someone there)🤔.I knew exactly why he was asking.The landlord is no longer selling his apartment but the place is covered in mould (bathroom and his brother’s bedroom mainly).His brother and himself want to move out but his brother doesnt want to move to far so to Keith its the perfect solution to just move up into my apartment.
All these questions pissed me off though 😠I was only back from Donegal,we hadn’t seen or talked to eachother in a week and I felt like he was trying to get me moved out of my own apartment as soon as possible so he could move in😮.I am not keen on the idea either because I dont want him having sex with another woman in my apartment when I am in Australia😭.I know it wont be my apartment anymore technically and its totally crazy to feel this way but it creeps me out🤢!I think he could tell by my tone of voice and facial expressions I was not pleased either!😳He tried to lighten the mood by joking”If you put in a good word with the rental company for us then when you come to Galway there will be a bed for you stay in but only if you help us get the apartment,thats the deal 😋”.I didn’t find this one bit amusing at all 😐Maybe I was overreacting?🤔He set his alarm for work in the morning and we cuddled up to watch the rest of the episode of ‘Gotham’.Keith liked it so much he has decided to start watching it himself.
I asked him if he had been to see the new Avengers movie yet but apparently he doesn’t like going to the cinema (weirdo😋).I told him he has to see it as soon as possible.I asked him who his favourite avenger was before adding I think he would be a ‘Captain America’ fan (I was wrong).He gave me a hint and said”I like the one who could actually happen in real life”and I got it straight away,Iron Man.Then he made fun of me by saying”You don’t know me at all if you had to ask😋”.Truth be told I don’t know him aswell as I should as he is very guarded with what he tells people.Its only the last two months (I have been seeing him on and off for over a year keep in mind)that he has opened up to me😯.I have always wanted him to open up more and god knows I have been patient waiting on the information he has told me so far 😂
While I was back in Donegal the musician started snapchatting me😏.He asked if I wanted to meet for a drink after his gig on the Tuesday night I was back but as you can tell from above he had to cancel as he had to stay in Dublin another night to do some extra college work.We agreed to hang out the next night (Wednesday)instead😃.On Wednesday he snapped me to say he’d call over to my apartment at 10pm.On his journey home he kept snapping me and being flirty 😉I didn’t think much of it because he is always flirty with everyone.When he got here we chatted for a while.The sparks were flying 😉😂As he edged closer towards me I could see he was shaking so I asked him if he was cold and he said”No”.Instead he kissed me 😘Now I was nervous!😆I began kissing him back (why?oh why?)One thing led to another and we ended up having sex!🙈🙊
Halfway through I felt so guilty!Things are great with Keith right now.I know we aren’t official so I wasn’t doing anything wrong but I know it will hurt him.I love him with all my heart and having sex with the musician was a huge mistake!!!After I had sex with the musician we talked for ages about our families and our plans for going travelling (he is going to New York in 2019).Talking with the musician is so easy and we are so open with eachother😀.He is so hot too😉😍I could see us having a relationship if I wasn’t in love with Keith and if he wasnt so busy with college and his music.The musician left just before midnight as he had to get a bus back to Dublin the next morning and thank god he did.😥
An hour after he left Keith pulled up outside my apartment in his car.I had seen him going out earlier and he was dressed up (kind of).As always the assumptions,suspicions,and crazy thoughts bubbled to the surface that he was going out to meet another woman😭😬I got angry and thats why I ended up having sex with the musician.When he pulled up he stayed in his car for about 10 minutes with the lights on🚘I thought be might have been followed by a woman so I stayed peeking out through a gap in my blinds to see but noone showed up.Then he messaged me asking if he could come up to my apartment😮.
I answered the door and he laughed his head off🤣I was wearing glasses and it was his first time seeing me with them on🤓.I’ll never be wearing them around him again thats for sure.Keith got undressed and got into my bed.As I began getting undressed he asked me”Where were you tonight?”I told a lie and said I was out with a friend🤥.He then asked”Were you out looking for fun tonight?”(meaning was I out looking for a man to have sex with)and I replied”No why?”.Keith then said”Look at the underwear your wearing”(It was a lacy black thong and matching padded push up bra).I told him I wasnt looking for fun tonight and then he said”Good because we are not having fun tonight”which I was happy about considering what I had just done a couple of hours before hand🙈🙉🙊
When I got into bed I could see he was texting someone and I asked him who but he wouldnt tell me📱.I couldn’t help but laugh as he was drunk texting with one eye open trying to concentrate📱🤣.I saw him point the phone at me and I asked me what he was doing but all he said was “Nevermind”.I looked at his screen and seen he had sent a picture of me to someone he was messaging on Whatsapp.I really want to know who!🤔Then he asked me if I was angry with him and I answered no.I don’t know why he thought I was.
The conversation soon turned from us goofing around and taking the piss out of each other to arguing.Out of nowhere Keith said”I am so pissed off you are going to Australia”😠.I got frustrated and replied”And whose fault is it that I am going?You have noone to blame but yourself.I am going to get over you😠”That did not go down well at all but its the truth.He then asked me”Will you keep in contact with me?”.I said”That is entirely up to you”.He raised his voice at me”How is it up to me?Shut the fuck up!”.I replied”I want to stay in contact but its up to you to contact me”.I have decided I won’t contact Keith while I am in Australia unless he contacts me.
I outlined again all my frustrations about his spree of shagging other women (hypocrite of the century considering I just had sex with the musician!😞😢😰)He told me”I already told you I don’t do that anymore”angrily(which I dont believe).I explained I don’t think I will ever trust him fully again after he broke my heart💔I told him I think,to him,this is all one big game and I am sick of being lied to and used.Then he came out with a statement which shocked me”You plan everything.You think I don’t know but I do.It works too.Your planning.”So what I gather from that is he means when I plan to accidentally “bump” into him on my way out of the apartment block or going to the bin shed at the same time.
I got all mushy then and just said”I love you”😍❤.He got annoyed with that”Love?You love me?”he exclaimed”How do you know you love me?”.Instead of giving the real reasons I got scared and a bit bitchy by saying”I know I love you because I wouldn’t let anyone treat me like shit and still be nice to them like I do with you”(in matter of fact I have done this in every relationship).He asked”How do I treat you like shit?” and I again listed the lies and the shagging loads of women😖Keith then said”Look I was with a woman for 7 years,I loved her and we planned to get married👰🤵❤💍Look where that ended up.I don’t believe in love anymore”.My heart broke and I just wanted to make it all better for him while also feeling enormous guilt for having had sex with the musician.
I asked Keith”So am I to be punished for what happened with her?Do you think I’ll be the same as her?Do you not want to fall in love,get married and have kids someday?💍❤👰🤵”to which he replied”I do want to get married and have kids”👰🤵🤰💍.Confused I asked him”How do you plan to do that if you dont believe in love?”Again I got an answer that nearly brought me to tears but also angered me”I can fake it”.It didnt hurt me because of my own want to be his wife some day but because even if I am not the one I want him to find love and be happy.I explained that faking it wont work and he asked me to list people I knew who were married and actually in love.Of course I said my parents and he asked”How do you know they are in love?”and I replied”After all they have been through these last few years,it would have been easier to walk away if they weren’t in love”.It got me wondering so I asked him”What about your own parents?Do you not think they are still in love?”.Keith paused for a second to think and then said”I think its easier for them to stay together just”.
By now I was exhausted and felt like we were getting nowhere with this arguement.I lay down facing him and put my arms around him but he snapped at me”You don’t have to be all over me”to which I said”Calm down,I’m not,I just want to cuddle”.He then said”I am going to sleep😪😴”so I didnt bother answering back.I couldn’t get to sleep.I had so much on my mind.Between trying to process what happened with the musician earlier and now this arguement full of revelations with Keith I was hyped up with anger and frustration.
I told my friend Ellen what happened over a few drinks at “The Bunch of Grapes” bar on Friday night.She advised me not to tell Keith what happened with the musician as this is the most progress we have ever made learning to open up and be vunerable with each other.She said if I told him the truth it would destroy us and she is right.She pointed out that we are not in a relationship so I haven’t done anything wrong.To me though it feels like I have cheated on Keith because as far as I was concerned we had decided not to be official but not to see other people.Yet as Ellen pointed out,I have strong suspicions he has been seeing other women,gut instincts are never wrong when it comes to these things and if he is seeing other women then obviously he is also lying to me🤥
I wish I could take back having sex with the musician but I cant.I am not going to tell Keith😕Its not worth risking what we could build upon in the future.I just want to enjoy my last few weeks here in Galway.I know I will see the musician again as we have planned to meet up for drinks before I leave for Australia but thats all it will be.Drinks and flanter (flirty banter😜).I started the visa process for Australia so hopefully it wont take to long as I want to be in Australia by the end of June.I am so excited one minute and then the anxiety kicks in but I know it will be great.
Positive vibes always,