Hey gals and guys 😁,
How are you all on the eve of the Royal wedding?I for one can’t wait to see the dress👰.After that I’m not too fussed about the whole thing 😂So all us straight women are mourning our slim chances of becoming Royalty now that Harry is off the market💍😔Though I definitely think I would not make a good princess👑.I enjoy going out with my friends too much and would hate having little freedom to let loose.Then again I look at it from the other side of if I loved the person enough I would find another way to go crazy with my mates 😁
I might be a bit cynical but given that Meghan Markle is very independent,a free spirit and a Hollywood actress I don’t have high hopes for this marriage lasting😕.I think she will grow tired and resentful of the situation but once she has kids with Harry,even if they divorce,she’ll be made for life anyway🤑.
This evening I went out for dinner,drinks and to the cinema with the girls (Aoife and Lauren)🍔🍟🍺🎥I really needed it as I had been feeling anxious and a bit down 😔We went to a restaurant called ‘The Huntsman Inn’.The food was fabulous 👌While Lauren and I waited for Aoife to arrive the waitress came over.She recognised us because she said”Oh no uniforms this evening”.Then she looked at me and said”Oh and you have cut your hair up short,its gorgeous”.I apologised to her and told her I didnt recognise her (I felt so bad and embrassed).She explained that she shops in Lidl.We get so many customers who recognise us outside of work but we serve loads of people so its hard to remember them 😣
Lauren and I started drinking before Aoife arrived 😂I really needed a drink to tell you the truth 🍺I woke up feeling angry at Keith😠Just all the hurt,frustration and confusion of the last 14 months I have been seeing him on and off came to the surface.As soon as I was with Aoife and Lauren chatting and laughing I felt better 😁
We snapped Chris to make him jealous we were out as he is working 😂After dinner we had another pint🍻.I think myself and Lauren were a bit tipsey 😂We were in fits of giggles the whole time.We got to the cinema and seen ‘Deadpool 2’.Its a good movie but as usual the first one was way better 😊
Lauren’s boyfriend James dropped me home and when I seen Keith’s car wasn’t here the tears poured down my cheeks 😢Its my last 3 weeks in Galway and he still can’t make the effort for me or put me first?!😡If it was the other way around then all I’d want to do is be with him as much as possible.
Maybe I am just finally seeing the truth.He only cares about himself.Its all about getting what he wants and when he wants it.It doesnt matter whose feelings he has to screw with to get it 😡I messaged Keith and told him if he wants my apartment when I leave that he’ll have to sort it himself but got no reply😒
I just feel like screaming at Keith.I have had enough now.I love him more than I can put into words and would do anything for him but it has to be a two way street.He may claim it is (only when drunk)but its clearly not 😒
He has had 14 months to get his act together😮.I have waited 14 months for Keith to commit to me.Now when I tell him I am going to Australia he decides to open up more but still doesn’t make the effort to put me first.I have tried,I have been patient,I have given him space.He has had chance after chance but instead he just messes with my emotions like its all some big game to him.Yet at the end of the day I know if he needed me I will still be there in a heartbeat even though I wish I could be strong and turn my back on him.
I want Keith to hurt like he has hurt me.I want him to feel the constant paranoia.I want Keith to feel like he isn’t good enough for me like the way he makes me feel.I seriously hope he will be heartbroken when he realises I am gone for good!I know one day he is going to wake up and figure out that he lost the woman who loved him no matter what.
I’m lying in bed at the minute all teary eyed and feeling so alone but I know this feeling will pass.Its all part and parcel of dealing with the highs and lows of depression and anxiety.The highs are always good but when the lows come I hit rock bottom very quick.Maybe my feelings of extreme dislike towards Keith will subside when I am back to myself but then again maybe I have had enough now.
My mam and aunty are coming on Sunday to collect my things and bring them back to Ballyshannon for me.Thats going to be a huge emotional step and I’ll be in bits.I’d love if Keith was around to see it but I am assuming he is probably visiting his parents this weekend or shagging one of his women.
Anyway I am going to get an early night and tomorrow will be a better day.A new day means new beginnings and chances 😀Aslong as I have my friends and family I will get through anything 😀
Positive vibes always,