Hey gals and guys,
I’m back after a few days of,well,numbness 🤔I thought I’d be crying tears into a bucket of ice-cream,watching Bridget Jones’ Diary,looking a mess and singing along to every heartbreak song there is but I dont think its hit me yet because I haven’t cried once 😮I’ve gotten angry,I had panic attacks and not slept in days instead 😣
Not one word from Keith (until I reached out to him last night…tell you further on in the blog about that).He just moved on as if nothing has happened 😠Most guys get over relationships as if they mean’t nothing which I just don’t understand.It was if I never existed 😔Keith has been going out everynight around the same time which makes me think he has started seeing someone or was already seeing her before we ended (we weren’t officially together again but he had told me all this bunch of lies about only wanting me,that he wasn’t seeing anyone else etc)Sometimes he comes back within a few minutes with takeaway food and other times he doesn’t come back for hours (those are the times he is probably having sex with her).
I was sitting out sunning myself on the balcony yesterday trying to get a tan before I go to Australia 😎Keith’s car pulled up and as is usual he looked up to my apartment.He has continued to do it even when we aren’t seeing each other 😊He didnt say hi or wave so I didn’t bother either.I heard him go up to his apartment and proceed to then sit out on his balcony (copycat)😒.I got a videocall from my sister who started talking about how much she hates Keith and its his fault I am going to Australia (he totally heard it and so awkward).I peeked over my balcony and could see he was busy taking selfies on Snapchat.I finished my conversation with my sister and I could hear Keith talking to his brother Niall about looking for new apartments.As you already know he asked about moving in here when I leave which I think they were discussing because I heard Keith say to Niall”You haven’t even seen it yet.I am having the bigger bedroom”.He mumbled some other stuff about it which made me think he was talking about my apartment 🏘
As per usual since we stopped seeing eachother (so Saturday or Sunday)Keith headed off out at around 10:15pm🚘.I waited up to see if he returned soon after or later.I am persuming Keith was with a woman because he returned at 1:45am😯.He returned alone.
As soon as Keith arrived home I heard some music blaring so I persumed it was him.I had a headache (probably from being in the heat too long all day)so I messaged Keith and asked him to turn it down 💿⬇.He messaged back saying “Its not me,I am here alone,in bed,watching poker”.I replied”Ok…sounds like its coming from your apartment.I’m going to kill whoever it is.I have a banging headache and all I can hear is that shit music”.Keith messaged me back saying “Sure come down to me”.At first I typed out a message saying that being near him wouldn’t help 😂I messaged back that I would be down in a few minutes.I mainly went down because I was curious to see what we would say to each other and how we would be 🤔
When I got down to Keith’s apartment he pointed at me to go into his bedroom.I noticed his arms had gotten more sunburn from when I last saw him a week ago 😥I went into his bedroom and climbed into his bed while he went to the bathroom🛏.I noticed he left his mobile unlocked and open in one of the messaging apps📱.I had a quick glance to see who he was messaging📱It was me,his mum,his brother Niall and some woman called ‘Char'(😡).I didn’t have time to read the messages between Keith and Char as I heard him coming back from the bathroom🚽.
Keith asked how I was and I told him I was fine apart from having a headache.I asked how he had been and he said “I’m good”.Short and hurtful words.He is good without me!😭Then he asked what I had been up to so I said sunning myself and drinking (I had been out with Aoife and Lauren 😂).I asked what he had been up too and he didn’t answer.He just made some kind of a weird noise so basically as if to say “shagging another woman but I’m not going to admit it incase you go crazy at me right now”😠
Keith told me he had to be up for work at 9am (also another indicater he was out seeing another woman,he wouldn’t stay out so late otherwise when he has work that early).He set his alarm and fell asleep.Usually we’d fall asleep cuddling but his body language showed he didn’t want to be near me and we weren’t sure of being around each other.Then he put his leg over mine and said”You are freezing”.I just wrapped myself in the duvet and closed my eyes.
I couldn’t get to sleep for ages😫.I really just wanted to be close to Keith and cuddle like we used to but we are no longer seeing each other so I had to respect his space.Then after a while I decided to just go for it.I miss being close to him so I put my head next to his and my arm around him.Keith didn’t react at first but after a while he rubbed my hand for a few seconds and then a while later he intertwined one of his fingers in mine😊
It got to warm so after an hour I took my arm away.Keith slept soundly for a few hours but then began tossing and turning for ages😫I didn’t say anything.I pretended to be asleep😪.I eventually fell asleep and it was a deep sleep and the best night sleep I had in ages😴I was so comfortable despite how awkward it was between us.It was weird though because while sleeping next to Keith I was dreaming about him 😂I have never had that happen before.
Keith suddenly woke up in a panic about needing to go to the toilet which woke me.I could feel him tossing the rest of the night when he returned to bed 🛌This morning I was awoken to Keith rubbing my leg and moving his way up 😜I turned to face him and he put his arm around me 😍He pulled off his boxers and asked if I would give him a handjob.I didnt answer and just done it.Then he asked me to suck his penis which he really enjoyed 😜I knew it was a mistake as soon as it happened but I miss him.We are definitely not back on or anything.Its a once off!I can’t wait to be over Keith.
Positive vibes always,